Grant's Redemption
by annavale23
Summary: Grant Ward betrayed his team to HYDRA. He hurt Skye, the only person he ever truly loved. And all of it was for nothing. Garrett is dead, leaving Ward alone. Now, a year on, Coulson has decided to try and save Ward from his own inner darkness, with a little help from Skye. But is Grant too far gone? Is it too late for Grant's redemption? And what is HYDRA planning? Please review x
1. Chapter 1: Inner Darkness

**Hey, guys! This fan fiction is about Grant redeeming himself for Skye and the team after betraying them to HYDRA. The first two chapters will be set at the start of his recovery and then I'll skip ahead a couple of months to when he's not as 'consumed by his inner darkness'. **

**Enjoy, and don't forget to review! x **

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><p><strong><span>CHAPTER ONE: INNER DARKNESS<span>**

**_Grant_**

The darkness that had always lived inside of me was worse now, swirling like a swollen river after a heavy storm. Thoughts after thoughts tormented me and I wanted to lose myself in the darkness. After all, it was only what I deserved. I had betrayed my whole team. I had tried to kill Fitz and Simmons. I had hurt Skye, the only thing in the world I thought that I could care about.

So I hurled myself into the darkness, let it consume me like a never ending flood. I realised that I did not deserve to live, because I was a terrible, twisted monster. Only someone who had no soul would let Garrett access the darkness that had started with my brother: when I had allowed my own cowardice to overcome me.

I was a monster; I deserved to die.

They took everything sharp away from me, but all that achieved was for me to find other ways to make myself pay. I would bleed a thousand rivers, if only it would give me redemption.

And then one day, when I was motionless in my cell, my voice long dried up, my will broken and the only thing I was sure about was that I had to die, an angel came to me in the form of Skye.

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><p><em><strong>Skye<strong>_

Coulson and I walk down into Vault D and I see Grant sitting there, on a bed. He glances up briefly before dropping his eyes back to a single spot on the floor. Coulson and I sit down in front of the cell, watching him. I was not a fan of this at first, but I made a promise, a promise I intend to keep.

It's been a year since HYDRA rose and destroyed our group. A year since Ward betrayed us.

"Hello, Ward." Coulson starts. Ward doesn't react one bit. He's like a statue, frozen in time.

Inside, my feelings are a conflicted, choppy ocean. How do I feel about Grant Ward? I though it was hate, but seeing him here, so broken, makes something ache inside me. I squish it down firmly.

_He tried to kill Fitzsimmons!_ I remind myself. _And Fitz is still damaged from that coma. He might never be the same again._

"How are you?" Coulson asks. Ward doesn't move, not until Coulson stands up and approaches the cell wall, his hand on the wall. Ward flinches visibly, before he realises that Coulson can't get to him. I watch his face, trying to view it as a non personal issue. I can't let myself get caught up in the tangled world that is Grant Ward - whoever that really is.

"I only ask because I wanted to tell you that we won't be torturing you anymore." Coulson goes on. "We'll be keeping you in this cell from now on, giving you some therapy every day or so. We want you to recover, Ward. We - no, I, realise how when someone messes with your mind, it can...well, fuck you up."

I think of some of the tapes I've viewed, of Ward's torture. The waterboarding, the electro shocks, the physical torture, the mental mind games. It was sickening to watch, but Coulson insisted I put myself through that. If I truly meant what I meant. If I would help Ward redeem himself.

I don't know why I offered it. But I do know that this is something I have to do. I have to help Ward redeem himself, so I can redeem myself. So I can shut down the monster my father says I am, and embrace my new life in S.H.I.E.L.D.

"Why?" Ward raises his eyes from the floor, and they are cold and dead. It's almost scary how empty they are. Like all his will has been drawn out of him. His voice is raspy, no doubt from lack of use and May breaking his larynx. Coulson looks taken aback that he actually spoke. Because for the last 6 months, he hasn't uttered a word. Not even when they tortured him to hell and back.

"Why? Why are we helping you recover you mean?" Coulson asks, recovering fast from his shock. Ward nods, a short jerky movement. I see the tendons in neck go taut, and I wonder if they'll snap, they look that tightly strung.

"Because even though you betrayed us, I still want to believe in you. I still want to believe that you can be redeemed." Coulson replies honestly. Coulson really want to save Ward, I can tell. Maybe it's because of how broken he himself was after they brought him back from the dead, or maybe it's because Coulson's naturally compassionate. All I know is that May's going to fight him every step of the way.

Ward flips his arms over to show the underbelly of them, and stares at his wrists and the flesh there. I see in the stark light of the room the raised, criss cross pattern of scars, regular at first, and then irregular as they cut over his veins with vicious intent. I swallow drily, the marks horrifying me although I already knew he tried to kill himself. But seeing the scars there, so simplistic yet they are a monument to how far Ward went inside his own head. And not for the first time, I wonder if he can be saved. Sometimes, people are too far gone to be reached again, but nevertheless, I'm determined to try.

"I don't..." Ward clears his throat. "I don't want your help."

"What do you want then, Ward?" Coulson asks with precise intensity. Ward drops his eyes again.

"I want to be left alone." He whispers. And then I stand up, and Coulson and I leave him alone in the dark.


	2. Chapter 2: Light And Darkness

**Hey again! Hope you enjoy this chapter too! In the 4th chapter, I'll be speeding it up by 2 months or so.**

**Thank you for all the follows and reviews so far! **

**Enjoy, and remember to send me your feedback!**

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><p><strong>"Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that." <em>Martin Luther King Jr.<em>**

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><p><span><strong>CHAPTER TWO: ONLY LIGHT CAN DRIVE OUT DARKNESS<strong>

**_Skye_**

"What if he doesn't want to get better, AC?" I ask Coulson, using my old nickname for him. "We can't force him you know."

"Skye, I know." Coulson sighs, sitting down heavily. "But I can't have it on my conscious any longer."

"Then how are we going to help him?" I run a hand through my hair.

"Through you, Skye." He says simply. "We both know that Ward...felt protective of you. Maybe if you talked to him every day, he'll recover."

"How can you be sure?" I ask.

"I'm not. But I know you'll at least try." Coulson shrugs.

And that's how I started to see my ex crush Grant Ward every day after his therapy sessions.

"Hey, Ward." I greet him, 2 weeks into me visiting him. Ward generally speaks rarely, but I think he's recovering. Slowly.

Ward glances at me. He's sitting on his bed, crossed legged, his arms face up to show his scars.

"Enjoying therapy?" I ask. Ward grimaces, the only response out of him so far.

I talk at him for a while about stupid things before his silence starts to annoy me. How can the guy be silent like this? Can he not hear me?

"Come on, Ward!" I explode. "Talk to me!"

Ward flinches at my tone, and I instantly feel terrible. Although he's a murderer, I have this enormous pool of guilt in my heart. Ward's like a lost puppy, a puppy I've just kicked in the face. All because I can't handle the fact that he's broken.

"Sorry." I apologise in a quiet voice.

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><p><em><strong>Grant<strong>_

"Don't apologise to me." I rasp, my first words I've said to Skye since that day I betrayed her. Skye's face registers surprise at the sound of my voice. "I don't deserve your apologies."

"Ward..." Her voice trails off. I don't keep listening. The therapy, Skye...it's not helping. It's making me feel worse. It's reminding me of the monster I am.

I drop my eyes to the ground, not being able to stare into her deep chocolate brown doe eyes. Her eyes haunt me, day and night. The eyes Garrett told me to hurt. The eyes I nearly killed.

The darkness swells up again, taunting me. I'm not worth it. All I'm worth is to give up all my information on HYDRA, and then to be taken out back and shot through the head like a dog. Like a worthless piece of shit.

I hear Skye's footsteps, and then I see her feet at the wall.

"Look at me." Her voice is authoritative. Instinctively, I do as she says, raising my eyes to hers. I've been trained well: even as beaten down as I am, I still obey orders. Even when given by her.

"Now, tell me what you're thinking." She demands, passionate fire burning in her eyes. "I'm spending my time down here, so at least use it, not waste it. Otherwise, I'll leave, and I'll never come back."

I stare at her, the only light down here in my darkness. And I obey what she says.

"I'm thinking that I'm a monster." I say slowly. "A warped, psychotic monster."

Skye remains quiet, listening. Absentmindedly, I look down at my wrists, my eyes tracing the scars there.

"I'm thinking that Coulson should have me killed. Because I'm an animal." I continue on. Skye clears her throat, and I look at her.

"For one, you're not an animal. That's offensive to the animals. And secondly, stop beating yourself up, Ward." Skye reprimands. Her tone reminds me of the old days, before I betrayed her. It makes my heart ache.

I shrug. I'm pathetic.

"What if I can't?"

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><p>"Hello, Grant." The woman smiles deeply, her lips red with lipstick. "My name is Dr Cora Jenson, and I'm your new therapist."<p>

I stare at my wrists. Silent. Still as stone.

"You spent many years with a man named John Garrett." She says, crossing her legs neatly. "And before that, you spent your childhood with your family. Over the next few weeks, I'm going to ask you about them in great detail. Okay?"

I remain motionless. _What if I can't?_ My words to Skye play back in my ears.

"But first, let me ask you something. Skye. Who is she to you?" Cora asks. My jaw jumps and my hands fist up. Cora sees my reaction and writes it down. Then she waits for my response.

"I don't want to talk about her." I say gruffly.

"I read that you care for her very much. Is that true? Or is it a lie, like your entire life you built for Garrett?" Cora's questions hit me like well aimed bullets, tearing through my broken soul.

"I don't want to talk about her!" I yell suddenly, standing up in anger, my throat hurting from the loudness of the words. I breathe hard, my chest heaving. Cora raises an eyebrow, no doubt at my obscure outburst. I sit back down and link my fingers together, still trying to regain my breath.

"Okay then, Grant."


	3. Chapter 3: Breaking Hearts

**What's up, guys! Hope you enjoy this next chapter. The idea came from Serenity Shadowstar. Thanks for all the reviews, follows and favorite's so far. You're all spoiling me with them! (That said, still keep them coming!)**

**Also, I'm thinking about posting a teen skyeward fan fiction soon, where Coulson gets to Grant before Garrett, and Coulson's hacker niece is very much interested in this new kid...I'll put a note here when I post it, so check it out if you want to!**

**Happy Thanksgiving, for my american fans!**

**Enjoy, and don't forget to review!**

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><p><span><strong>CHAPTER THREE: BREAKING HEARTS<strong>

_**Grant**  
><em>

I hear footsteps on the stairs, but I don't look up. I don't want to see anyone: especially Skye. Especially after what I told her. I told her how weak I am. If Garrett was here, he would of given me a good cuff over the head. _Weakness is for the weak, boy_. I can almost hear his voice telling me. _Are you weak?_

"No." I whisper. The footsteps stop and then the wall fades away, revealing to me Skye. Her large chocolate eyes smile at me.

"Ward." She says softly. "I have- have to tell you something." She comes closer to the wall. I back up, so my back's against the far wall. Every nerve in my body screams out for her touch, my only light in my darkness, but I can't be close to her, even if a wall separates us. It hurts too much.

"Go away." I growl, unable to speak her name.

"I like dogs too." She blurts out. I stare at her, finally meeting her eyes. Has she gone insane? Dogs? What do they have to do with anything?

"You said that you liked dogs." Skye explained. "When you had to write an application to join the Academy. They asked you what you liked, and you said dogs."

"You read my file." I state, my throat hurting from all the talking. But somehow, I can't stop it. Skye's presence forces me to speak to her.

"I'm sorry. But I had to understand why you did what you did. You were manipulated-"

Suddenly, I'm on my feet, striding over to the wall that separates us, almost grazing it with my nose. Skye stares up at me, taking a step back. Her eyes are large in her face.

"I was not manipulated." I hiss. "I _chose_ this life, Skye." I know that what I'm saying is one big lie. Of course Garrett played me! He found my insecurities, and used them to shape me into a weapon. A weapon he could use at any moment. But I have to destroy her. I have to destroy Skye, because I don't want her help. I want to die, down here in this cell that reminds me of that well. The well my brother was in, all because I was weak and a coward. I couldn't protect him from my weakness. But it's not too late for Skye.

"You were brainwashed-" Skye tries again. For the first time in months, I feel a ray of clarity in my mind. I know what I have to do. I have to cut her off.

_Garrett would of been pleased_. A voice inside my head tells me. _Finally, you're doing what he's always wanted you to do. Cut off all connection, no matter your feelings._

"I chose to follow Garrett, Skye." I force her name past my dry lips. "I chose to kill all those people. I chose to shoot Hand for him. I chose to bring you in for him. I chose it all."

"But he left you in the woods when you were just 15!" She yells. "15! You were only a kid, and he left you in the woods to survive. No wonder you're so messed up, Grant!"

"And _I could of left at anytime!_" I yell right back. "Skye, I chose to stay with Garrett. I owed him everything, and the woods," I struggle to get the words out. "The woods helped me realise that I was weak. That I needed to get strong."

"But Ward-"

"_And I don't love you, Skye!__" _I yell suddenly. I don't even realise what I'm saying until it's out of my mouth.

Skye's eyes break. I see her soul crumble to pieces right there in those chocolatey brown depths.

_Compartmentalise, Ward_. I tell myself.

"And I was just about to tell you that I forgave you." She whispers before turning heel and running out of Vault D, in her hurry forgetting to blank out the wall so I can watch her as she heads out of the dark and into the light. Away from me.

I feel cold after Skye leaves. A deep, soul wrenching cold that chills me all the way through.

In the dark, the coldness stays, and I want to curl up into a ball and hide away like a little kid. But I can't do that. I'm not worthy of that. I have to face the darkness and be consumed. I hurt Skye, just as she was going to forgive me. Not matter if it was for her own good. I hurt the girl I love.

"Who are you, boy?" John Garrett's words bounce around my head. Time after time, he'd ask me that, and time after time I'd have to respond, saying that I was Grant Ward, loyal to him as I infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D.

"Who are you, Ward?" Coulson's words from long ago haunt me next.

I give in to my desire and wrap myself up into a ball on my bed, closing my eyes tight. Even before Garrett I was twisted, selfish, a coward.

"Grant!" My little brother used to cry, begging to be let out. And instead of rescuing him or taking his place, I obeyed my older brother out of fear. Fear that I would be the one at the bottom of that well.

So I left him there, alone.

The darkness surrounds me as a stifling blanket, and I surrender to the pain of my memories. After all, I deserve it.

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><p><em><strong>Skye<strong>_

The tears start to flow the moment I get out of Vault D.

"Stupid, stupid!" I lean against the wall, the tears rolling down my cheeks. I was a fool to believe that Ward was the product of what I found in his file. The years of abuse at his brother's hands, the injuries that mysteriously appeared, obviously inflicted by Garrett, the 5 years he went missing. The 5 years I know that he spent alone, with only a dog for company, after watching Ward's interrogation tapes where he admitted that Garrett left him all alone out there in a secluded woods.

But I still love him.

My feelings for the serial killer man downstairs were still very much alive, even after a year. I still wanted Grant Ward. I needed him, like I needed to breathe oxygen.

And he had just broken my heart all over again.

"Yo, Princess!" I hear Hunter call as he walks towards me. Quickly, I wipe away my tears and plaster a smile on my lips.

"Yeah, Hunter?" I say in a bright tone. Hunter frowns at my red rimmed eyes.

"What's wrong, love?" He asks, concerned.

"Nothing." I attempt to laugh. "Just Ward, and everything."

Hunter nods, understanding.

"Well, anyway, we have to go. A mission, from the big boss." He says. "HYDRA."

That one word he says is enough to convey the seriousness of this mission.

"Let's go." I say, shoving my feelings about Ward deep down. I'll think about that later. We have more important things to think about right now.


	4. Chapter 4: Finding Out

**The next chapter has landed! The idea still comes from serenity shadowstar (I stretched it into two posts), and from here on out, Grant's trying to rescue Skye. I think the rescue won't take long, mainly because I want to focus on what the aftereffects of it is. **

**Enjoy, and please review! They inspire me to write later, I swear!**

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><p><span><strong>CHAPTER FOUR: FINDING OUT<strong>

_**Skye**_

"Come on, Hunter." I say. We're in a HYDRA bio-lab, trying to find a drug that apparently has similar properties to the drug both Coulson and I have running through our veins. So we're posing as scientists. May and Coulson are also here, checking out the labs in the other building. So far, we haven't found anything, and also haven't been found.

"I don't look right in this." Hunter grumbles about the lab coat I practically forced him into.

"Hunter." May says sharply down our earpieces. "Concentrate on the mission."

"Aye aye, captain." He replies sarcastically.

"Besides, no one cares how you look." I comment as I push open a door. Hunter gives me a wounded look as I explore the lab.

"I'll have you know that these looks are award winning." Hunter exclaims. "These cheekbones have tempted a lot of women into my embrace."

"Hunter, shut up." May snaps.

"Sure, scary lady." Hunter quips back.

Meanwhile, I pull out a few files from a filing cabinet and flick through them. Words jump out at me, most all science stuff I don't understand, but the most important word sticks with me. GH-345. The miracle drug that saved me and Coulson.

"Oh, shit." I breathe. "Coulson?" I ask the earpiece. "We have a problem."

"What's the problem, Skye?" Coulson asks. I flick through the file, seeing detailed charts of it's effects. And it doesn't look good.

"Skye..." Hunter's voice is wary. I don't look up from the files.

"Shhh." I tell him before talking to Coulson. "They've recreated the effects of GH-345. Successfully."

"Skye..." Hunter says again. I ignore him.

"Well, that's bad." The director comments.

"You think?" I reply, a hint of sarcasm in my tone.

"Skye, we have a problem!" Hunter yells, and that's when I hear the first gun shot.

At least 6 or 7 HYDRA agents swarm into the room, and I pull out my ICER, shooting at them with Hunter.

"We're surrounded." Hunter says grimly. "Damn HYDRA. We must of tripped an alarm, or they were tipped off."

"Retreat!" Coulson orders, panic in his voice. We can't afford to get captured and be torture for information, especially me. I know too much about the new organisation. "Get back to the plane! Do whatever you can to get out of there!"

"Okay, sir!" I gasp out as one of them punches me in the gut. I retaliate with an uppercut to the jaw, silently thanking May for the lessons. He grunts in pain. I jab my elbow in his neck before pushing him backwards over a table. He sprawls out on the floor, and I turn to my next opponent.

But there is too many of them for only two agents. Hunter struggles to fight back along with me, and soon we run out of charge on our ICERS.

_If Ward was here, he'd be able to defeat them_. A dark voice in my head tells me.

_We're not all Ward, though_. I tell the voice while punching a HYDRA agent in the nose, breaking it. Blood spouts out, not deterring the agent though. I hit him repeatedly with the butt of my ICER until he goes down.

"Shit!" Hunter yells. "Skye, get to the window!"

I see Hunter's plan. We're only on the second floor, so we can survive a jump. And it's looking like our only way out. We try to clear a line to the window, but a HYDRA agent shoots at me. I gasp as the bullet grazes my side, the pain hitting me instantly. Blood seeps out of the wound, bright red against my black clothes. I stare at it dizzily, and then another shot goes off, and I hit the ground, my world suddenly black. The last thing I hear is Hunter's voice yelling:

"Skye!"

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><p><em><strong>Grant<strong>_

I haven't moved from my bed since I destroyed Skye. All I want to do is die, and I fervently wish for a button, or a piece of paper. I glance at the concrete wall. Is it worth trying that again?

The door to my cell opening stops those dangerous thoughts. Since my cell wall is still clear, I can see that it's Coulson. He walks slowly, wearily, and I wonder what happened.

_Stop caring, Ward_. I tell myself sharply. _Caring implies weakness. And I'm not weak, am I?_

_You would of told Skye the truth if you were strong_. Another voice whispers traitorously in my ear. I ignore it.

"Ward." Coulson says in a heavy voice. I raise my eyes to his, surprised by how haunted they look.

"You know how I want to help you redeem yourself?"

I give a small nod, clasping my hands together in front of me.

"Well, I know how you can do that." Coulson says. I raise my eyebrow. "I need yo to save Skye."

"Skye's here." I say in a monotone voice.

"Skye's been..." Coulson takes a deep breath. "Taken. By HYDRA."

"What!?" I can't help the rage I feel shaking inside him. I stride over to the wall and thumps it hard, ignoring the burning the action causes. "You let Skye get captured?" I yell, my eyes burning with an anger like my asgardian berserker rage. Coulson remains calm, despite my reaction. He puts down the folded pile in his hands and picks up the controls to my cell.

"Hunter and her were surrounded. She got shot, and he had to get out. He couldn't get her, Ward." Coulson's eyes are full of anger. At himself, I realise. He did this, and he's blaming himself. "I want you to rescue her. You're the only one who can, Ward." He continues. "If you agree, I'll let you out."

I stay silent, thinking about what Coulson's telling me. Can I trust myself to save Skye?

"Go save your rookie, Ward." Coulson urges. I look up sharply.

"I'm not her SO anymore." I say gruffly. "So she's not my rookie."

"Actually, you are. Her SO, I mean. She refused to have another one, although May has been training her."

My eyes widen. Skye kept her faith in me?

_And you told her that you were evil._ A voice tells me.

"If I can't rescue her, I'm going to kill this Hunter guy, and no one will be able to stop me." I say frankly. However much I try and convince myself otherwise, if Skye's in trouble, if she needs me, I can't die. I have to protect her.

So I make a pact with myself. If I rescue Skye, I'll stay alive just to protect her. No matter what she or anyone else wants. If I can't, I'll kill myself.

"Deal." Coulson tries to smile before bringing down the wall. He hands me a pile of clothing to replace the clothes I have on. "Get dressed."

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><p>I notice as we walk to the armoury that the leather jacket is my leather jacket: the first and only real gift Garrett ever gave me. I pull it on, feeling grateful that it wasn't chucked out. It was the first ever real gift I ever got of anyone. We make a quick stop to the bathroom where I shave the beard I have off, Coulson watching me closely in case I try to stab myself with the blade.<p>

In the armoury, I equip all the weapons I can, ignoring May and Trip's looks. All I can think is _Skye. _Coulson asks me what I'll need.

"The location of where she was kidnapped." I say. "A tracking implant, on me, so you can pick Skye up when I get her."

"Okay. Simmons, can you do that?" He asks the nervous English scientist. She nods without looking at me, leading me into the lab. I notice that May follows us.

"Take off the jacket." She asks. I do so, and Simmons produces a needle and injects my arm. I barely feel the prick before it's over.

"There." She says, her eyes down.

"Thanks." I reply, sliding the jacket back on. Being around her makes me nervous, because I tried to kill her and Fitz. But I can't think about that right now. I have to think about Skye.

"Skye, I'm coming for you." I murmur under my breath. "So don't worry."

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><p><strong><em>Skye<em>**

"Well, look who's awake." A male voice says as I blink my eyes open. The room I'm in is dark, and I think I'm lying horizontally, staring at the ceiling. I try to move my arms and legs, but they won't budge. My side hurts: from where I got shot? The voice chuckles.

"That won't do anything, dear. You're tied down." A face leans over me, and I see it's Whitehall, the evil psycho from HYDRA. The head of HYDRA.

"You won't get anything out of me!" I spit, thrashing in my bindings. Whitehall laughs again. I hear a door open and then hear the crackle of electricity. My eyes go wide with fear. Two men attach devices that look like electrodes to my bare skin. I feel sweat rolling down my back. I'm not May! How am I meant to tolerate torture?!

"We'll see about that." He says before the electricity hits my body and I'm turning from a confident girl to a screaming wreck in one brief second.


	5. Chapter 5: Raina

**Here's the next chapter, guys. Raina appears in this one! Her first appearance in any of my fan fics! I love Raina. **

**Thanks for all the follows, favorites and reviews! They mean so much to me.**

**Enjoy, and don't forget to review! x**

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><p><span><strong>CHAPTER FIVE: RAINA<strong>

**_Grant_**

_"Who are you, boy?" Garrett booms._

_"Grant Ward, agent of S.H.I.E.L.D." I respond immediately. Garrett chuckles._

_"So convincing, boy! If I didn't know better, I'd actually believe that you were telling the truth."_

_"Thank you, sir." I keep my face neutral._

_"Now, boy, when you get on Coulson's team, your going to need them to trust you. How do you do that?"_

_"Errr..." Quickly, I search through my mind for the answer, but I can't find an answer. Suddenly, Garrett cuffs me around the head, hard. I blink away the pain, but keep my composure. I've disappointed Garrett, and that fills me with shame._

_"You risk your life for one of them!" He yells down my ear. "That's what you do, okay? Got it, boy?"_

_"Yes, sir." I gasp out, pain radiating through out my skull. "Understood."_

_"Now, you've come far. But now you've got to sell it, boy. Can you do that?" Garrett's gruff voice asks me as he strokes his knuckles on his right hand._

_"Yes, sir." I say, standing at ready. "I will make them trust me, and then I will deliver them straight to you."_

_"Good boy." He ruffles my hair, and I feel a slight pang of happiness, like I always do whenever Garrett shows me any affection. "I know you'll do me proud."_

_"Yes, sir." I say quietly._

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><p>The flash back hits me as I wait for a contact in a diner not too far from where Skye was taken. Garrett wanted me to blend in with Coulson's team, to find out what he knew about GH-235. He didn't intend on me falling hopelessly in love with a girl. I sip at my coffee, savouring the taste. I haven't tasted it in over a year. Per Coulson's request, I'm wearing a discreet earpiece but I'll remove that before I go into HYDRA.<p>

"Enjoying yourself?" Coulson asks me down the earpiece. I ignore him. My thoughts are only on Skye.

"Agent Grant Ward. The last person I had expected to see. I thought Coulson had you." A feminine voice asks, sitting opposite me.

"Raina." I smile, easily slipping back into the Grant Ward that Garrett created. Coulson breathes in sharply. I know he's thinking about why I'm meeting with Raina. "Nice dress." I comment on one of her traditional flower pattern dresses. "And I escaped from him, easily. John trained me, you know."

"What do you want?" She says with a smile although her tone is sharp. I sip at my drink.

"Skye. Remember when you told me that we could be monsters together?" I ask. Raina nods. "Well, I want that."

"I knew you did." Raina laughs delicately. "Lucky for you, I can help. Skye's being held at a HYDRA facility not far from here. I'm in charge of her torture, along with Mr Whitehall."

"You're working for him now?" I raise an eyebrow. "You never struck me as a loyal to HYDRA girl."

"Until I pay off a debt." Raina nods. "And you never struck me as a HYDRA man either."

"I'm not." I tell her, aware that Coulson is listening to every word of this conversation. My next comment will probably make him think I'm loyal to Garrett still. "I was only loyal to John. Never HYDRA."

"When did you want to get your monster girl?" Raina asks in her melodic voice.

"Meet me here in a hour, Flowers." I drain my coffee, using Garrett's name for her. "And if you betray me, I'll kill you."

Raina laughs delicately.

"Oh, my dear Agent Ward, I believe you there. You have a knack for betrayal, after all."

* * *

><p>I reequip my weaponry in my seedy motel room, talking to Coulson as I do so.<p>

"Raina?" He asks sharply.

"Yes. She's my source." I reply, tightening my holster underneath my jacket.

"Are you sure you can get her?"

"Yes, sir. Raina will want me to break her, and then I can sneak back in and get her." I reply confidently.

"Ward, 3 weeks ago you wouldn't even talk. You've perked up considerably." Coulson says.

"Skye being missing does that to a man, sir." I say. "And I love her."

Coulson goes quite after my confession.

"I'm taking you out now." I inform him.

"Ward?" He asks. "Be careful out there." I don't reply, instead taking out the earpiece and crunching it under my foot. I take the button badge and clip it to my inside pocket. When I get Skye, I'll press it and it'll send a homing beacon for the team to collect us. I just hope I can save Skye.

* * *

><p>I meet Raina outside the café and she takes me to a compound. It's surrounded by gates, with around 3 large buildings contained in it. Raina and I walk in.<p>

"Ward, can you break Skye?" She asks. "I need to break her so we can question her, but she's been resistant to our torture."

I blanch on the word torture. They're torturing Skye? Poor, innocent Skye? But I don't let it show.

"I'll break her." Confidence seeps into my voice. "I know her."

"Yes, I'm sure you do." Raina's pink lips smiles at me, her dark eyes gazing at me. I see the brown of her eyes: so like Skye's it almost makes me sick. I suppress it.

Just think of Skye. I tell myself firmly. Skye.

"Heil HYDRA." Raina says as we approach the building's doors.

"Heil HYDRA." I repeat. The guards repeat it also, letting us into the building. The walls a sterile white, and the hospital smell gets under my skin. I try not to show my irritation. Raina's heels click on the tiled floor.

"She's being held in cell 8." Raina says. "In the basement."

"What are we trying to get out of her?" I ask crisply. Raina glances up at me, batting her long eyelashes.

"Nothing." Raina says, her lips turning up into a smile. "We just want to destroy her spirit until we can make her comply."

"Make her comply." I echo, the words sending a shiver down my spine. Garrett once told me of the compliance technique. It's a horrible, brainwashing programme, and if I wasn't a sleeper agent, I'm sure he would of ordered me to be made to comply after the whole Skye thing. "Fascinating process, don't you agree Agent Ward?" She says.

"Yes, it is." I say quietly.


	6. Chapter 6: Codes

**The next chapter is here! Hope you enjoy it, and don't forget to review!**

**(Thanks for all the reviews, favourites and follows. They mean so much to me!)**

* * *

><p><span><strong>CHAPTER SIX: CODES<strong>

_**Skye**_

I'm sweating after they remove the electrolysis pads and leave me alone. Sweat covers my prone body, my eyes rolling around in my sockets. How did Ward survive this when Coulson did this to him? How has anyone survived this?

I've been here, in this small white room, for what seems like eternity, but that tell me it's only been about one day. 29 hours, to be exact. 29 hours of pain and torture. They ask me questions on Coulson and the drug GH-235, but so far I've only let little things slip. Like how it was used on me. Where we found it. But not where our base is. Not that Coulson keeps drawing the patterns that Garrett did in his last days.

My side continually aches, and I wonder if it's been treated. I still tied up, so I can't see it. I hope it's not getting infected.

To pass the time in between torture, I think about Grant's file. Garrett stole Ward when he was only 15. A young age, at a time where Ward had nothing. He gave him hope, believed in him. To an abused kid like Ward, that must of been like heaven. No wonder he thought he 'owed' Garrett.

Whitehall walks in.

"Skye, Skye." He says. "Are you ready to comply yet?"

"Like hell!" Defiance still rings loud in my voice. I don't know how he'll get me to comply, but as long as I have free will, I won't obey this man. I know that I can't rely on Coulson to rescue me. How would he and the team get into here and rescue me? They'd be overwhelmed in seconds!

There's a knock on the door. Whitehall answers it.

"Raina. You're back." He says, smiling. My blood goes cold. "And who's your guest?"

"Grant Ward." A hauntingly familiar voice says. If I thought my blood was cold the first time, it was nothing compared to the fear I feel when I hear those words. How did Ward escape? And what's he going to do to me.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Grant<em>**

"Grant Ward." I introduce myself since we get into the room. Whitehall smiles.

"Oh, Garrett's man. What are you doing here today?"

"Agent Ward wants to break young Skye for us, Mr Whitehall." Raina smiles. "She's kept him locked up in S.H.I.E.L.D, so he's got an issue to get off his chest. Is that okay?"

"Sure." Whitehall agrees. "Mr Ward, do yo require any equipment?"

I force cruelty into my voice, although it's hard because I can see Skye lying on a table of sorts. It breaks my heart, but I don't let Whitehall see.

"No, I can do it on my own. But could I do it alone? I've really been looking forward to...breaking someone again."

"Of course, Mr Ward. Come on, Raina." Raina and Whitehall leave the room, leaving me alone with Skye.

I assess the room, seeing the cameras in the corners next to the doors. I walk over to Skye, making sure the camera can only see my back.

"How did you escape?" She spits out. I see that she's been tortured, and I feel rage rising in me. But I suppress it: for now. I lean over Skye.

"It was easy." I say for the benefit of the cameras. "Coulson practically begged me to save you, but he forgot that I don't care about you. I want you to suffer. Like you made me suffer." I make my tone harsh.

Skye stares at me with huge, frightened eyes. I move a hand to her forehead, and stroke her hair out of her face. She tries to flinch away from my touch, but her bindings stop her. I try and remember if I ever taught Skye any codes.

"Remember when you were sent down to my cell," I start, my voice going softer, which is probably more frightening for her. "And you tried to pretend that you were on my side, to get a confession?"

Skye frowns, knowing that what I'm saying never took place.

"You cried and said that you were in love with me, so I should tell you the truth." I continue, still stroking her hair. Although it's lank and sweaty, I savour the feeling of her hair. I haven't felt it in a year. "And you tricked me, so Coulson got me to say what happened to me in the woods. When I got caught in a snake trap and John rescued me."

Skye's eyes widen, and I think she gets what I'm saying. Snake pit: HYDRA. Garrett rescuing me: I'm rescuing her. Tricks: I'm tricking HYDRA.

"Now, I'll be coming back later to break you some more Skye." I whisper. Skye, right on cue, starts crying, acting like I've damaged her some more. Then I leave the room, my plan formulating in my brain.

"Can I see her again?" I ask Raina. She nods.

"You want to break your monster girl." She comments. "Are you trying to bring out her inner monster?"

I nod.

"Skye and I belong together." I smile, directing all the insanity I feel into it. "And so I want you break her in small pieces every time I see her."

Raina laughs; it's a melodic sound.

"Oh, Agent Ward, you truly appreciate what breaking someone can do to you." She glances up at me. "It's such a rush, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is." I agree, feeling sick to my stomach.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Skye<strong>_

_Is Ward trying to rescue me?_ I wonder._ Why would he do that?_ I think back over his words.

_"Coulson practically begged me to..."_ That has to mean that Coulson sent him.

_"Caught in the snake pit, and John rescued me..."_ That means HYDRA, I think. And that he'll be rescuing me. Although I can't be sure. This could all be some elaborate trick. Ward's revenge on me.

And why would he rescue me, after all he said back in his cell? I shove those thoughts away, and await my next torture.


	7. Chapter 7: Escape

Grant

I take a deep breath outside Skye's torture room, running a hand through my hair. Somehow, and I don't even know how, I convinced Raina to let me do it with no guards at the door. I take put my knife for the cameras and stroll it, flipping it in my hand, catching it by the handle each time.

Skye's eyes widen. I know she's wondering what I'm doing with a knife.

"Hello again, Skye." I stand back in my original position, my back to the camera. I stroke the knife tip down her arm, not cutting her though. I see the fear in her eyes. I lean down, so my mouth is by her ear. Hopefully Raina will just take this as another technique to break her.

"I'm getting you out of here." I whisper. "Now."

And then with one quick action, I spin around, chuck my knife at one camera, pull out my gun and shoot the other. Then I get my other knife out and prise open the shackles. Skye sits up.

"Can you walk?" I ask her urgently, knowing I only have a little time. She nods. I open the door, gun at the ready, Skye following me.

The corridor is silent at first, but then guards appear. I shoot them in the hearts, killing them with ease. I don't even flinch. Killing is just a reflex for me now. My ledger is stained and dripping with blood.

"Ward! Up ahead!" Skye warns me. I shoot them. The next assailants I hit with my fists, kicking them down before shooting them. I know I shouldn't be killing so much, but I can't control the rage. How dare these people keep my Skye prisoner. They deserve death. Soon, we're out of the door and I can see the gate up ahead. I smile slightly. We're nearly there.

Then I hear gun shots from behind us.

"Shit!" I curse. I push Skye in front of me. "Run." I tell her.

"With you?" She asks. I nod.

I shoot over my shoulder blindly until the gun's out of ammo. I keep it so I can hit someone with it. Then something whistles past and I feel it thump into my lower back. Another 2 something's hit me, once on my shoulder and the other in my leg. I grunt in pain, but keep running. I have to save Skye. Skye. Skye. Skye.

And anyway, I'm trained to ignore pain. John called it 'disassociation'.

We get out of the compound and I direct Skye to my motel room. We aren't followed as soon as we hit the small town, and we get to my motel room without incident. Once inside I collapse to the floor, my head spinning. I glance down at my leg which is now covered in blood. I'm sure my shoulder and back are also bloody. I fumble in my pocket and manage to press the button that'll summon Coulson. Skye stares at me, her eyes wide.

"Ward, did you get shot?" She says incredulously. "Coulson will be here soon." I gasp out. The blood loss is getting to me now. Skye kneels down next to me, concern in her eyes. I smile faintly.

"I lied." I murmur as my eyes start to go black. "About not loving you. I've always loved you, Skye."

And then I stop thinking about anything as I succumb to the blackness.

Skye

"Will he be alright?" I ask Simmons after she's stitched up all of Ward's injuries.

"I think so." She says. Coulson nods.

"Good." He says. "I don't want him dead right now."

I sit at his bedside, waiting for him to wake up. It's been 12 hours since he saved me. 12 hours since he got shot for me. Simmons flits around nervously; Coulson watches me.

"Are you all right, Skye?" He asks. "Did they hurt you?"

"Why did you let him go?" I ask softly, my eyes staring at Ward's motionless face.

"He was the only one who I knew could get you." Coulson replies. "He knew the risks."

"What if killing those men knocked his mental state backwards?" I ask. "I mean, you saw him when we first told him we wanted to redeem himself. What if he gets worse?"

"Well, I'm keeping him up here, with the team." Coulson says finally. Simmons squeaks. "And I'm telling them now."

Coulson assembles the team in the infirmary, so I don't have to leave Ward. Fitz stares at Ward, his hand clutching Simmons's until the knuckles go white.

"We're keeping Ward on the team." Coulson announces. May glares at him.

"He's a traitor!" She objects angrily.

"A traitor who saved my life." I point out, my tone rising in anger as well.

"Calm down, love." Hunter murmurs, flashing me a look that apologises for leaving me behind.

"What if he tries to ki-kill us?" Fitz stutters.

"I'll be giving him a bracelet that restricts his ability to pick up a gun. He'll be watched at all times. Fitz, he won't try anything." Coulson replies. "And I'll shoot him myself if he tries anything."

Fitz nods, a jerky movement. But his hand remains clutching Simmons's.

Simmons gives Ward a look of hatred. It's creepy seeing such strong emotion on Simmons's face. Usually she's so nice, and I think that this is there first time we've ever seen anger on her face.

"Sir, what is he even suffering from? Being a sick sociopath?" Her voice is bitter.

"Severe mental trauma." Coulson states. "Identity crisis. We also believe he has some aspects of Stockholm Syndrome." He pauses for a moment. "Anyone who hurts Ward without proper reason will be imprisoned. When I said I wanted to help him redeem himself, I meant it. Any objections?"

"No, sir." Everyone says, although I can see that May and Simmons force it through their gritted teeth.

"Good." Coulson dismisses them, and I return my gaze to Ward.

"Wake up soon, robot." I whisper.


	8. Chapter 8: Dreams and Ashes

**Okay, here's the next update! Thanks for all the follows, favourites and reviews! **

**In the next few updates of this story, you're going to see the plot develop a little more. Heads up: HYDRA aren't going to let Skye go that easily...**

**Enjoy, and don't forget to tell me what you thought in a review!**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Grant<strong>_

_"Buddy?" I call as I walk into my camp area, the heavy rain pattering down heavily on my head. Buddy barks from behind the door of the cabin I built myself, I slip in, shaking myself off. Buddy barks joyously at me, and I kneel down to pet him._

_"You like that dog, right?" A voice startles me. I look up to see Garrett leaning against the wall._

_"Hey, John!" I jump to my feet. I haven't seen him in 3 months. Garrett smiles._

_"Hello, boy."_

_"What are you doing here?" I ask. Garrett grins eveily._

_"Teaching you how to outrun a bullet." Garrett says._

_"Now? In the rain?" I can't believe my ears. The rain is coming down harder now, almost torrential._

_"Yes. Problem?" Garrett growls. I know not to argue with him by now, not after last time when I woke up in the woods after he hit me around the head so hard I lost half a day of memories._

_I gasp as the bullet penetrates my side. Pain radiates up my body and I see blood falling out of me. Garrett laughs._

_"Not fast enough, boy."_

_"Sorry, sir." I reply quickly._

_"Next time you fail me, I'll put a bullet somewhere else, you hear me? And it won't be pretty." Garrett growls at me._

_"Understood, sir."_

* * *

><p>"It was just a dream." I murmur, barely making a sound. I hear a stirring next to me, but don't think about it. I'm still in pain though. I frown. Why am I feeling like I've been shot? It was just a dream, right?<p>

"Ward?" I hear Skye's voice ask.

"Just a dream." I mutter before opening my eyes. Skye sits on a chair next to me, and I realise I'm lying on a bed. I turn my head to face her, wincing.

"Hey." She smiles. I stare back, memorising every detail of her face. It's been so long since I last saw her up close like this.

"What was just a dream?" She asks.

"What happened?" My voice is slurred.

"You were shot. When you rescued me." She says in a small voice. I think back, and remember rescuing her from HYDRA. "Do you remember?"

"Yes." I say.

"You were shot 3 times. Once in the back, once in the shoulder and once in the leg." Skye tells me.

"Are you okay?" I ask urgently. Skye is my only concern.

"Fine." Skye says. I close my eyes.

"When do I go back to my cell?" I ask. I hear her hesitate and I open my eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"You're not going back." Skye bites her lip. "Coulson wants to reintegrate you into the team."

"No." I say flatly.

"Ward, please-" She starts.

"I don't want to." I stare up at the ceiling. "I only want to protect you, Skye."

"So rejoin the team!" She blurts out. "Protect me then. You're still my SO, damn it!"

"Rookie, I'm not your SO." I say finally. "And I'll be a liability."

"Robot, please." Skye says. "Protect me. Be my SO. Let me forgive you."

I glance at her, at her large chocolate brown eyes.

"I'll think about it." I can't deny Skye.

* * *

><p>"Will you join?" Coulson asks me. I'm propped up in bed, the doors locked so I don't get any ideas. Coulson's got a gun out too.<p>

I swallow drily, my eyes flicking down to my jagged scars. I'm weak. Weaker than I've ever been in my life, except for when I beat up my younger brother because I wanted to avoid more abuse.

"I have a few conditions." I say quietly.

"Name them." Coulson replies. "If they're reasonable, I'll grant them. But I will expect you to keep seeing your therapist. And you'll wear a tracking bracelet."

"I want to protect Skye." I state, my eyes practically begging Coulson to order me to protect her. I need to be ordered to do something: it's how I've lived my whole life. First it was my brother and my father; then Garrett. I don't know who I am without being told what to do.

"Fine. Protect Skye." Coulson says. "What else?"

* * *

><p>I dig a small hole in the ground a few miles from the base and pull out the urn containing Garrett's ashes. A few metres away is Skye, who's been sent to watch over me. I place the urn in the ground and before I cover it up, I start to speak, quietly so Skye doesn't hear me.<p>

"Hey, John." I start. "You're dead, you know that?" I laugh slightly. "Remember the woods, John? You left me there for 5 years. When I got out, I couldn't even be around people without feeling like I was suffocating. I couldn't even sleep in a bed for months. I couldn't eat the food, I didn't understand any of the jokes since I'd been gone for 5 years. " I take a breath. "But I miss you, John. You were my second father, but to be honest you weren't any better than my real father. At least you're dead now."

I glance over my shoulder and see Skye watching me. Ignoring the pain from my wounds, I kneel down and start scraping dirt over the urn.

"You trained me well, John." I whisper. "But how am I meant to undo 15 years of training?"

Then I get up and walk towards Skye. Around my wrist is the bracelet that controls my behaviour, and Skye holds the remote.

"Why did you want to bury him?" Skye asks. I shrug. Skye huffs in annoyance.

"You're going silent on me? Fine. I'll theorise." Skye says. "Maybe you still feel loyal to him. Maybe you wanted to say goodbye."

I stay silent. I've had time to practice my poker face. Skye can't break me down that easily.

"Maybe you wanted to honour the relationship you had." She finishes softly. "Ward, I read your file. What you told me about your brothers, it was true?"

I jerk my head into a nod, tightening my hands on the now empty backpack I used to carry Garrett's ashes here.

"So you really hit your younger brother because your older brother made you?" Skye asks, her voice gentle.

"No." I'm surprised to hear the words slipping out of my mouth. "I hit him because I was afraid of being hit."

"You, afraid?" Skye's voice is incredulous.

"Yeah. Before I met Garrett, I was afraid." I admit. "I was scared all the time, but I could never show it. I had to protect my younger siblings."

Skye puts a hand on my shoulder.

"You don't have to be afraid anymore, Robot." She murmurs.


	9. Chapter 9: Cafeteria Confrontation

**What's up, my peeps? So, just wanted to reassure you guys that HYDRA, Whitehall and Raina _will_ be coming back into this fic, I just want to do a few more chapters of Skye and Grant rebuilding their trust in each other, and how they deal with Grant's past. Then the baddies will be back, and more will be revealed on exactly why Whitehall kidnapped Skye, and more on a sneaky little injection Raina may or may not of given Skye...**

**Also, updates might slow down a bit since the show ends for the mid season break next week here in England, so I'll be without my weekly dose of S.H.I.E.L.D. But for you guys, I'll try and keep the updates regular!**

**Now, to the most important thing. Thank you so much for the reviews, follows and favourites so far, but _reviews are happiness! So please write me one at the end of this post! _Even if it's just saying that you liked it! I love reviews, and they inspire me to update faster. (Hint, hint!)**

**Anyway, enough with my bit: on to the fan fic!**

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><p><em><strong>Grant<strong>_

I walk into the cafeteria in the secret base we're in and sit down quietly with my food. The rest of the team stares at me with mixed expressions as I open a book and start to read it as I eat. To be honest, I was surprised when Coulson agreed to give me books with my paper cutting incident, but maybe he thinks I'm over it now. Or maybe he really doesn't care anymore. I wouldn't blame him either way.

I eat mechanically, not really tasting the food, although I do note that it is of a much better quality than my prison food. But then again, _anything_ would be better than that muck. I swear, I had tasted better, even including my first ever attempt at cooking meat in those woods. And _that_ was truly terrible.

All I can feel is accusing stares boring into my back. I try to ignore them, concentrating on the words on the creamy page in front of me. I'm used to people staring at me, but somehow now, they feel worse, and my skin starts to itch. I shift in my seat, frowning slightly as I try and put them to the back of my mind.

"Hey." Someone says softly. I look up to see Skye standing there, a tray of food in her hands. "Can I sit down?" She asks, gesturing to the seat opposite me. I shrug, indicating that I don't mind. She sits down, and then before long Trip and a new guy join us too. Skye eats her cornflakes, watching me from under her lashes.

"Hello, Ward." Trip says politely. I flick my eyes at him as a greeting, although I feel like I'm suffocating with all of these people. Having spent most of a year in a dark cell alone, I'm beginning to think that I might have gotten even more claustrophobic.

"I'm Hunter. Lance Hunter." The other guy holds out a hand, about to sit down. My eyes snap up suddenly. Hunter? As in the Hunter from Skye's mission?

I stand, and I think Hunter thinks I'm going to shake his hand. A lazy grin stretches itself across his lips.

He sure isn't expecting me to thump him straight in the face.

.

Hunter stumbles backwards as my arm is filled with an intense burning: the bracelet, I assume. I grit my teeth, trying to disassociate myself from the pain. It's not easy, but I've had worse. The pain fades in a few more seconds, the effects wearing off again.

"That's for letting Skye get captured." I say finally before sitting back down. Skye stares at me with those large doe eyes. She's looking surprised, but also strangely happy.

"I think you broke my nose." Hunter says, his voice muffled. "But they did _not_ exaggerate when they said you would do anything for Skye."

I keep my eyes trained on my book. Coulson's going to kill me. I broke one of his rules: don't attack anyone. Coulson walks in promptly, and Trip explains the situation in a calm voice, and he says it without being biased. Which surprises me, since I though everyone here would be against me.

"Ward?" Coulson questions, frowning, folding his arms over his chest.

"I warned you, sir." I say in an emotionless, monotone voice. "That I would kill the guy if I didn't rescue Skye. He's lucky he just got off with a broken nose, because I had a lot of other broken bones in mind."

They stare at me for a moment before Skye snorts. It's now her turn to be stared at.

"Well, you were warned, Hunter." She says, laughter laced into her voice. "Robot here is _very_ touchy about me."

I keep staring at her. I didn't mean for my comment to be funny, but clearly Skye takes it that way. And anyway, what did I really expect? This is Skye we're talking about, the girl who used to say 'bang' whenever she pulled the trigger in a gun.

"I get it, I get it." Hunter grumbles as he sits down, tilting his head up so Simmons can deal with his nose. She rushes over with a med kit. "No hard feelings now, Ward?"

It takes a few seconds to realise he's talking to me. I look up and try to formulate words.

"Err...fine." I say quickly, knowing any delay in talking would make me seem stupid. "But you do _anything_ to hurt Skye again..." My eyes narrow dangerously. Despite the murderous look I'm sure is painted in my eyes, Hunter chuckles.

"Got it."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Skye<strong>_

"May, have you talked to Ward yet?" I ask the oriental woman as she teaches me to punch the punch bag in front of me.

"No, and I don't intend to." She says calmly, correcting my position slightly.

"Come on, May." I say. "He's trying."

"He's a HYDRA spy." She comments, her voice remaining smooth, not giving away even a hint of the anger she must be feeling right now. _Like a real robot_, I think darkly. Not_hing like what Ward was. At least with him you could sometimes tell if he was angry._

"_Was_ a HYDRA spy." I correct. "And how can you not feel for him? He's been through hell."

"A hell he _chose_, Skye. Don't forget that." May walks around me, adjusting my position. "He could of walked away at any moment, asked for a new SO, told someone about what Garret was. But he chose not to."

"So he made some crap choices." I argue back. "Give him a chance."

"I'm not Coulson, Skye." May meets my eyes. "I don't give people second chances. And anyway, when are you going to let me be your SO? I can't keep training you as a colleague, Skye. You need a SO."

"I already have one." I say, keeping my gaze on the bag in front of me as I repeat the endless pattern of punches May has me working on.

"Why do you keep saying that?" May asks softly. "Grant Ward is _not_ your SO. He is a HYDRA spy, a traitor. Stop denying the fact that he is no longer your SO, because he's not even allowed near you, let alone the training rooms!" Her voice raises dangerously, the only sign of her growing frustration with my behaviour.

"Because I don't want to give up on him!" I blurt out, my voice also raised in anger that she won't give Ward a chance. "I love him, May!"

"Lov_ed._" May says quietly.

"What?" I ask, confused.

"You meant loved, not love." May explains, still using that quiet, dangerous voice that has caused stronger people than me to wet themselves in pure fear. Luckily, I manage to control my bowels. "Because you don't love him still. Do you?" May peers closely at me, her dark eyes scrutinising my very soul.

"Oh, yeah, my mistake." I lie seamlessly, just as May herself taught me too. "I loved him. Past tense. Not present."

"We're done here." May says, walking out of the training room.

* * *

><p>And that night, the nightmares begin.<p> 


	10. Chapter 10: Skye's Nightmares

**Thanks for all the follows, favourites and reviews!**

**Please review!**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Skye<strong>_

I awake from my nightmare screaming.

I turn around and muffle my screams into a pillow to try not to alarm the team. I'm sweating and all I can feel is the electricity running through my body. I try and breath through it, looking the memories away.

_Compartmentalise, Skye._ I tell myself, and then feel sick when I realise that I'm quoting from Ward. Just because I'm trying to forgive him doesn't mean that I'm comfortable with using his sayings.

I get up and exit my bunk, knowing sleep won't be possible tonight, going to the kitchen area. I get a drink from the fridge and drink deeply, gulping it down. It's only when I've finished that I realise that I'm not alone.

I turn around slowly, my hands on the countertops behind me, to see Ward sitting in the sofa, a book open in his hands, watching me.

We stare at each other for a long, awkward moment before he turns back to the book.

"What are you doing up?" He asks me in a measured voice, keeping his eyes on the page in front of him. I walk over and sit down opposite him.

"Nightmare." I admit. "You?"

"Can't sleep." He grunts. "Bed's too comfortable."

"Too comfortable?" I repeat incredulously, linking my fingers together. He nods.

"I've been sleeping on a hard bed for months, Skye." Ward points out. "So yes, my bed is too comfortable."

"Fair point." I shrug.

"What was your nightmare about?" He asks. I chew on my lip, debating whether to tell him.

"The torture." I say quietly.

Ward gives me a look.

"They electrified me endlessly." I continue. "And I can't forget about it."

Ward remains silent, just turning a page. The noise is loud in the quiet room.

"Are you even allowed that?" I point at the book, wanting to get off the subject of my torture. "You know, it's paper and all."

_You fold a piece of paper just right, it gets sharp._

Ward's words echo hauntingly in my ears.

"I told you, I'm through all that, Skye." He tells me. "And anyway, the bracelet monitors my vitals. If they spike suddenly, Coulson will be alerted and he'll stop me." Ward holds up his wrist, where a metallic bracelet hangs.

"Oh." I hug a pillow close to my chest. "Would you try to- you know?" I asks him next.

"No." He answers, flicking to another page. "I swore I'd protect you, Skye. If I die, it'll be for you, not because of my selfish reasons."

"So is that why you rescued me? From Raina and Whitehall?" I blurt out. "So you could die for me?"

"Coulson asked me to." Ward says. "And I didn't want anything bad to happen to you, Skye."

Impulsively, I get up and sit next to him. Ward leans away, so I leave some space in between us.

"Did you mean it, when you said that you would never lie to me?" My voice is low. Ward nods.

"I will never lie to you again, Skye." He says.

"Why?" The word forces itself out of my lips.

_"I still love you, Skye._" Is what I expect him to say. Instead, silence descends on the room. Ward stares at his book, as still as a statue. I wait a few more minutes before I stand up and walk away slowly, back to my room.

* * *

><p><em>"Your mother was like you, you know." Whitehall begins in a conversational tone as he preps the machine. "Defiant until the very end." He chuckles morbidly. "Of course, her defiance didn't help her. I took everything I could from her, before I dumped her body. Well, her wrecked corpse, I should say. What was left wasn't much of a body when I was done." He laughs darkly, remembering the memory fondly.<em>

_"You monster!" I yell, thrashing against my bonds. Whether he's lying to get a reaction out of me no longer matters. Because if he is telling the truth, he's basically just admitted to killing my mother. Admitted to gutting her open, and turning her into a bag of skin and organs instead of a person. And for that, I want to kill him._

_"Oh, on the contrary, my dear." Whitehall glances at me from over his lenses, chucking lightly. "I'm not the monster here. In fact, I'm probably the most human person in this room. Because the real monster? That's_ you."


	11. Chapter 11: Grant's Nightmares

**First chapter of the new year! Yay!**

**Thanks so much for all the lovely reviews, follows and favourites!**

**Anyway, on with that chapter, and please leave me any thoughts you had on the story at the bottom.**

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><p><em><strong>Grant<strong>_

_"Push him down there, Grant!" Christian says menacingly. "Leave him down there to die!"_

_I glance down at my brother in the well, who is barely keeping his head above the water level. I swallow, my head wanting me to chuck the rope down to him, but my body fears what Christian will do to me if I disobey him. My eyes meet with my brother's._

_"Grant..." He whimpers. I know that he can't swim well. What if he drowns? What if that's Christian's plan? What if I accidentally murder my little brother on Christian's orders?_

_"You chuck him that rope," Christian starts, his voice dark and threatening, his eyes black. "And I'll chuck you down there with him."_

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><p><em>"You're weak, Grant." Garrett comments as he polishes his gun. "Very weak."<em>

_"I'm not!" I protest as I feed Buddy a scrap of meat, stroking his fur. The dog pants, his deep brown eyes gazing into mine with the simple love only an animal can give you._

_"Yes, you are. You let your brother control you, let him put thoughts into your head." Garrett gets up, sliding his gun away. "Get up, boy. Let's see if I can't help you with that weakness."_

_"Huh?" I frown, climbing to my feet. And that's when Garrett lands the first punch, to my gut. I gasp, holding my stomach, grimacing. Garrett dusts off his knuckles._

_"Let's see if I can't beat it out of you..."_

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><p><em><strong>Skye<strong>_

"Whoa." Suddenly, I sit up in my seat straighter. "Hey, Jemma, look at this." I call the bio chemist over, clasping my cup of coffee close to me. I'm sitting in the lab with Jemma, sipping coffee to keep me awake, all so I don't have to face my own nightmares.

Jemma hurries over.

"What is it, Skye?" She asks tiredly, having been working solidly for at least 7 hours straight. "And shouldn't you be in bed?"

"Ward's vitals are spiking." I point at the screen which shows his heart rate. Coulson strides in at that moment, and I remember what Ward told me yesterday about Coulson getting notified immediately if his vitals spike.

"Call up the cameras to his room." He orders me. Quickly, I do as he says. In the dark of the room, the cameras don't work as well as you would hope, but we can see enough. Ward lies on his bed, clearly asleep. We all frown at the screen for a moment. It's clear he's not trying to do anything that would set of his monitor bracelet.

"I think he's dreaming." Jemma says quietly. Coulson glances at her questioningly.

"Well, I used to watch the feed from his old cell." She explains hurriedly. "And he used to act like he was in physical pain in his sleep a lot. Like now." She points at the screen when Ward is arching his back, his lips moving ever so slightly.

"We'll get to you watching the feed later." Coulson says, a warning written in his eyes. "But first, what is the protocol when someone's having a nightmare? Do you wake them up?"

"No, sir." Jemma says, frowning.

"I'll go deal with it." I say suddenly, putting down my drink and slipping out of the room before either of them can stop me. I open Ward's door slowly and see that he's now awake, breathing heavily and running a hand through his hair.

"Hey." I say quietly, leaning my back against the closed door. Ward glances up and notices me in the dark.

"What are you doing in my room, Skye?" He asks, his voice surprisingly even.

"You were having a nightmare." I state simply. "You wanna talk about it?"

"Not really." Ward says, lacing his fingers together in front of him.

"Ward, you were acting like someone was actually hurting you, in real life. That's got to be a really ingrained memory." Carefully, I watch his face. Truth be told, I'm a little upset from his blow off the other night, but I want to see if he'll tell me. See if his 'I'll never lie to you' policy is really true. And who knows, maybe it'll ward off my own nightmares. (Pun not intended).

Ward sighs.

"It was just a rather painful flashback." Ward admits. "Okay?"

"Painful because of Garrett? Or your brother, Christian?" I ask, watching for his response. I notice Ward's involuntary flinch at the two names. I smile slightly.

_Bingo_.

"You don't have to tell me." I tell him, resting my hands against my thighs. "It was just a suggestion, since talking about your nightmares can help. But if you don't want to..."

I'm already halfway out of the door when I just about catch the whisper of words that Ward says before I close the door on him.

"Last time I told someone about my dreams, they used it against me."

_**Grant**_

"What the hell does that mean?" Skye demands, walking back in. "You said you'd tell me the truth, so spill!"

I consider whether to answer her. No doubt Coulson will be listening to this conversation, but I can't not tell her. My only purpose right now is to protect her, and without that, it'll be Game Over. So I decide to tell her, because I'm not ready for that again right now.

"I told John." I say in a monotone voice. "And he turned it all back onto me. He used my fears against me, to make me a better solider for him to use."

"And you think I'll use your fears?" Skye crosses her arms, her tone disbelieving. "You actually think I'd stoop that low? I'm not Garrett, Ward."

"I know that!" I snap suddenly. Skye blinks, shocked by my outburst, so I try to calm myself, taking a few deep breaths. "No, not you." I admit, my voice returning to normal. "But I don't trust any of you, Skye. So when I trust you again, I'll tell you. I promise."

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><p><strong>Thoughts? <strong>


	12. Chapter 12: Workout Talks

**Hey, guys! Next chapter, and I'm pretty sure that this is my longest for this fan fic! Yay! **

**It was also my favourite chapter to write. **

**Now, in regards to the plot, Raina and Whitehall will be returning, promise! But you will see an OC character cropping up in a few chapters, and Skye feeling at peace before HYDRA returns to ruin her happiness. **

**I hope that the 'page not found' error has been resolved, as if experienced it on a lot of other fan fics I read too. To repeat what I said in my authors note, that has now been deleted, I'm really sorry about that, and I have emailed , so hopefully they will fix that very soon. In the meantime, I would recommend just keep trying to access it if it doesn't work. Usually on the fan fics I follow, it takes around an hour (of clicking the actual story in the archive) to show up. **

**Thanks for all the reviews, follows and favourites. **

**Enjoy, and please leave me a review at the end!**

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><p><em><strong>Grant<strong>_

My fist slams into the red punch bag, again and again as I try to shake the traces of my nightmare away. But it clings to me like a second skin, no matter how hard I punch, like the memories are scarred deep into my soul. My fists start to hurt, but I ignore them. Any pain right now can't be worse than what my mind's playing to me on a constant loop.

All I can think about is Garrett's fists slamming into my ribs, feeling them crack under the pressure. Then how Christian pulled my arm way around my back, twisting my shoulder out of my socket. And then when my father punched me so hard in the jaw that I couldn't talk for a week.

I punch the bag furiously, trying to get the rage I'm feeling out of my body. I know that it's probably related to that damn Asgardian staff, but I can't help it. I want to succumb to that rage so badly, although I know if I do, my bracelet will probably shut me down since it's designed to stop me if my vitals get too out of control. I breathe in sharply, trying to calm my racing heart. At least I can train, thanks to Coulson agreeing to set my bracelet tracking device to allow me to train, but only in specific hours and only if I keep my vitals to a normal exercised pace, like now. At 5 in the morning, I had expected the gym to be empty, since May always used to do her Tai'Chi in her room around now, and I was right (May does stick to her routine, then). The gym is empty and silent, expect for me and my irregular breathing and my endless punching.

I keep punching at the bag, concentrating on it only as I try and erase those memories from my mind. I gulp in air, my chest heaving as my memories flash behind my eyes. (Punching them out is clearly not working as well anymore).

_You're weak._

_Weak, weak, weak._

_Stupid and weak. You let a dog get to you._

_Weak!_

A small noise from behind me brings me out of my thoughts. I turn around, stilling the bag, to see Skye standing there, looking sheepish, her hair quickly pulled into a ponytail, dressed in gym clothes. She bites her lower lip, chewing on it thoughtfully. Was she coming here to train? This early in the morning? Some things do change. I think to myself as I take a few breaths.

"I'll go, if you want." I offer quickly, wiping sweat off my forehead, even though leaving is not what I want to do right now. I just want I punch. Skye and I hadn't talked since that night she caught me having a nightmare, and when I confessed exactly what Garrett did with my memories, and my trust. So I don't exactly want to be in a room alone with her right now, because she'll want to confront me on exactly what I meant, because that's what Skye's like. She has to find out the 'why' to everything, even if there's not really a why to begin with.

"No, you have to train now, right? Because of your bracelet." Skye says, surprising me that she knows that. She sits down on a pile of training mats, placing her bottle down next to her. "If it's okay with you, I'll just wait for you to finish."

Knowing I have no real choice, I nod jerkily at her. I turn back to the punch bag, trying to concentrate in the bag in front of me, and not her presence. Unfortunately, that's a little too hard as I can feel her presence haunting at the edges of my vision.

"So, why are you punching so determinedly?" Skye asks after a few seconds of silence, unable to stand the stifling quiet any longer. I ignore her, concentrating on the relentless sound of my fists hitting the bag.

_"Don't chuck him the rope." Christian's cold brown eyes stare into his as his iron strong fingers grip Grant's arm hard, leaving bruises there for sure._

_"He'll die!" Grant protests, glancing down at his younger brother who's barely treading the water to keep his head above the water. "He can't swim that well, remember? He nearly drowned in the damn swimming pool, with all the inflatable armbands!"_

_"You chuck that rope down there, and I'll toss you down there with him." Christian's grip tightens in Grant's arm, and Grant bites his lip to stop himself from letting out a murmur of pain. He can't let Christian see he's hurting him. Or Christian will just keep hurting him. "What's it going to be, Grant?" Christian smiles widely, enjoying the torment he's causing. "Him, or both of you drowning? What are you going to choose?"_

"Grant!" A female's voice breaks through my memory. I blink a few times to see Skye standing in front of me her huge brown eyes looking worried. "Your hands are bleeding." She points out. I glance down out my hands to see the wrapping are spotted with red. Clearly, I was punching way too hard.

"Oh." I say lamely. Skye frowns at me, and grabs my wrist, pulling me over to her spot in the mats. She grabs a first aid kit and sits down next to me.

"Unwrap your hands." She demands. Slowly, I start to do as she said, finding her close proximity distracting. She smells like jasmine and lilies, I note. It's strangely intoxicating. I shake myself mentally before I do something stupid (like kiss her, 'cause that would go down so well), and pull my hands clear of the wrapping, piling it in a pile next to me.

"What were you thinking about?" She asks softly as she starts to clean up my hands. Her eyes stay on my hands, but I know Skye. She wants the truth, so that's what she'll get. In order for me to protect her, I have to get her to forgive me. Else my job of protecting her will be even harder than it is now. "And why were you punching that bag like it was your worst enemy? Clearly, you had to be thinking about something really annoying. You only punch like that when you're upset."

"I had a dream." I say, my voice quiet, surprised that she understands me so well. Yet again, Skye probably came the closest to ever seeing the true me than anyone. Maybe because with her, I don't feel like I had to hide everything. In fact, it was the complete opposite. I feel like I could tell her everything, and she wouldn't judge me that much. She'd just...understand.

Skye bandages up one hand carefully, since my knuckles are split. Her actions are soft and gentle, and caring, her fingers light and ghost like on my hands. Her looking after my minor injuries is soothing, comforting.

"About who?" She asks, taking my other hand in hers softly.

"John." I tell her truthfully. "And Christian."

"What was it about?" Skye questions. I hesitate, so she glances up, those gorgeous deep brown eyes of hers meeting mine. "Just, I heard talking about dreams can make it feel better, Robot." She adds, using her special nickname for me. "Makes it less real, I think." She frowns cutely as she tries to remember exactly what she heard.

"Fine, Rookie." I sigh, my nickname for her slipping out accidentally. I notice Skye's small pleased smile at my use of her nickname and suddenly feel ridiculously happy. _Get a grip,_ _Ward!_ I tell myself firmly. "I was remembering some pain I experienced when I was younger. Broken ribs, dislocated shoulders...that kind of thing." I shrug casually, although I know that I should be a little more upset with the fact that it wasn't just my S.H.I.E.L.D life that scarred me. But I can't muster the emotions up, not even if I pretend. It's too exhausting, and anyway, I'm not ever going to lie to her again, so I'm not going to lie to her about my emotions towards my past. Or how else will she truly understand me?

"So Garrett used to break your ribs and stuff?" Skye's now finished with my hands, but I stay seated. I want her to trust me again. Actually, I might _need_ her to trust me again. "Why?"

"All the time, so I would learn how to do things properly. His way of teaching." I confirm her question, staring at a single spot on the floor. Telling Skye just how vulnerable I really am...it's hard. "But it wasn't that bad."

"If you say that it was for your own good..." Skye warns, smiling slightly, indicating she's joking with me, although I'm certain she would attack me if I said those words.

"I know it wasn't, Skye." I say. "Not now, anyway."

She takes a sip from her water bottle, swallowing it with a thoughtful look in her beautiful doe like eyes.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Skye<em>**

"Could you tell me about your family?" The question blurts itself out of my lips before I can reign it back in. Grant blinks at me, surprised, I think, by my question. I chew on my bottom lip nervously.

"Err, sure." He replies, sounding uncertain of his own answer. I feel a pang of annoyance: I don't want him to tell me because of his whole 'I won't lie to you' thing. I want him to want to tell me.

"It's just, I want to understand why you would follow Garrett." I rush to explain myself. Yes, I still see Grant as my SO, and yes, I have feelings for him (although I'm not to sure what they are, or what they mean just yet), but I still don't understand how he could follow a madman like Garrett. And I want to forgive him, I really do. But I _can't,_ not until I can start to understand exactly why he did what he did. "But if you don't want to, that's fine." I add on, not wanting to push him too much. Only a month or so ago, he was in a cell, barely even talking to me even though I'd been visiting for weeks. And now, he's out and about, and talking, but I don't want to stress him out, even though I think talking about it would be better for him.

"No, it's fine." Grant assures me, his time apprehensive. He links his fingers together in his lap, a sign of his unease about telling me. But I push on, knowing that this admission will help him recover in the long time, and help me try and forgive him.

"So, maybe you could start by telling me what kind of people they were." I prompt carefully. "Your family, I mean."

Grant pauses for a second and then nods his agreement of the starting topic.

"My mother, Valerie, was a heavy drinker." He states calmly. "She loved her alcohol, more than life itself. My father worked in the government, and was extremely strict. He likes order and his form of discipline was violent and painful." He grimaces at the memories. Nevertheless, he keeps going. "Christian was cruel and loved power. He was addicted to having some sort of control over us, like we were his puppets who he could make do anything he wanted." Grant continues, his voice still calm. I listen, my fingers gripping the neck of my bottle tightly, until my knuckles turn to white. "Toby was accepting and kind. Innocent, really. And Rose was sweet and adorable and so innocent."

"Rose?" I frown, crossing to tackle that issue first. Mainly because I've never heard of this Rose.

"My sister, Rosalie Ward." Grant elaborates. "She went to boarding school before the well incident. Currently, she's a photographer living in Detroit, Michigan."

"You've never mentioned a sister before." My tone is reproached. Why didn't he mention her? Grant shrugs, dismissing my slightly hurt feelings. "Do you talk to her?"

"Yeah." Grant nods. "Before the whole HYDRA thing and before I joined Coulson's team, I used to email her ever so often, and visit her once a year if I could. So at least she could have someone to call family. Even if I'm not really the best example of that." He laughs darkly.

"Would she be worried that you haven't emailed her in a year?" I ask, feeling kind of bad for this mystery girl. He shrugs again.

"I told her before I joined Coulson that I might have to stop contacting her for a while. It was risky enough when I was with Garrett, because he would kill me if he found out I was in contact with anyone from my old life, but I couldn't let it interfere with my mission. Because he would do worse than kill me then, and anyway, I didn't want Coulson finding out about my correspondence with Rose. It was highly against protocol. So she probably assumed I was still unable to see her." He explains, not sounding that upset. A part of me smiles at his protocol comment. Clearly, that wasn't faked. He's still a stickler for protocol.

"What about Toby, your younger brother?" I ask next.

"Don't see him, or talk to him." Grant says bluntly, his tone curt. I consider asking him why, but I can already see that Toby's a touchy subject for him. So I drop it. _Don't want to fry the Robot's circuits, do we?_

"Did your parents even know what Christian did you you?" I ask quietly. The ghost of a smile tugs on Grant's lips.

"They knew." Grant says. "But they didn't care. As long as the injuries could be hidden. And anyway, Christian got his behaviour off my father."

"Did you tell Garrett all this?" I have to know.

"Just the Christian bits." He admits. "And that was enough for him to use."

"You know I'll never use what you just told me, right?" I grab his shoulders, forcing him to look at me.

"I know." Grant says simply. "But I know others might."

"Like May?" I shake my head. "She wouldn't."

"Skye, I slept with her, then she got told I didn't even like her at all by Lorelei, that I was just using her, and then she found out that I was just trying to distract her from my true mission." Grant points out. "She would use _anything_ to get back at me. Not that I would blame her." He mutters the last part, and I choose to ignore it.

"Could you do something for me, Robot?" I ask him instead, my voice hopeful. Grant glances at me, confused. "Could you maybe, if we asked Coulson to amend your bracelet, start to train with me again? I miss my SO."

Grant thinks about it for a few excruciating moments before his lips twitch ever so slightly.

"So you want me to train you again?" He asks, his eyes glinting mischievously.

"...Yes." I say uncertainly (although technically I said _with_). What is he planning? "I want you to be my SO again."

"I'll do it, Rookie." He agrees. I smile widely, happily. "But you do realise that this means the return of the push ups?"

My eyes widen as I realise his evil plan.

"Noooo!" I howl in real horror. He laughs, only lightly, but somehow I feel like I've gotten a piece of the Grant Ward I know and (_might_) love back.

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><p><strong>Thoughts, anyone? <strong>


	13. Chapter 13: Real Or Not Real

**So, next update. This chapter was another favourite to write.**

**A/N: this does contain something used in the Hunger Games, Mockingjay, in the second half of the chapter. It doesn't really spoil the book, and the only reason it's used is so they can all connect. But, just in case, you have been warned.**

**Thanks for all the reviews, follows and favourites so far! **

**(_Also, if I went overboard with the italics in the first section, sorry!)_**

**Without further ado, enjoy! (And please leave me a review at the end).**

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><p><em><strong>Skye<strong>_

"So, will you consider it? Please, AC?" I practically beg Coulson as I put forward my idea for Grant to be able to train with me again. "It'll help him recover. And what if HYDRA strike? We all know they're going to soon, to get me back. So wouldn't it help if we have another specialist on hand?"

"No." May says from the doorway. The oriental woman strides in. "Coulson, that man should not be allowed to train her. And I use the word 'man' lightly, because what he really is...he's a monster. I should keep on doing it."

I turn to look at May, my eyes burning furiously.

"I'm sorry, did you just say that he's a _monster_?" I can hardly believe my own ears. Did May just go there? Did she?

"Yes, that's what I said." May responds coolly. (So, yes, she _did _just go there!) "Because Grant Ward _is_ a monster. He has _killed_ people, _tortured_ people, _used_ people-"

"Oh, this is all about _you_, isn't it?" I laughs dryly, Coulson forgotten about as he glances between us, mouth half open as he tries to think about how to stop this girl fight.

"Excuse me?" May crosses her arms across her chest. "Are you implying that I have a personal vendetta against Ward because he _slept_ with me?"

"I'm not _implying_ it, May." I mirror her stance, crossing my arms as I raise one eyebrow, my lips twitching up into a sardonic grin. "I'm outright _saying_ it. You don't like him because he used you, and you didn't even know! Yes, the great Calvary didn't even realise she was bedding a HYDRA spy!"

May glares at me, anger simmering in her eyes. But I don't back down. I'm sick of her endless digs at Ward, especially when I know he's broken inside. The Calvary does not scare me! (Well, maybe a bit. But only a little bit).

"Ladies!" Coulson interrupts suddenly. May and I glance at him, breaking off our intense staring match. "We are not discussing Ward's crimes right now!" He takes a deep breath. "Skye, I'll set Ward's bracelet to allow him to train from the hours of 5 until 7 am. Use them however you want."

"Thanks, AC!" I squeal happily, jumping over the desk to hug him. Coulson pats my back awkwardly.

"Phil, you can _not_ be serious!" May protests, using his name instead of his surname as I step back from him, blushing slightly. "He's a-"

"Member of this team, Melinda!" Coulson interrupts sharply. May falls quiet at his strong tone. "Ward has been paying for his crimes for a year, Melinda. And now, we are trying to give him a second chance. Or have you forgotten that he brought Skye back to us?"

"That was-" May starts, but Coulson's not finished. And I have to admit, I'm kind of impressed by his badasserey right now.

"He could have defected back to HYDRA, May. But he didn't, because he wants to protect Skye. Don't you see that, May? He's devoted to her, so as long as she lives, that's where his loyalties lie. So give him a chance."

"Is that an order, sir?" May asks stiffly, her pride obviously taking a major blow. Coulson gives her a measured look.

"That's an order, Agent May." He says finally. "Understood?"

"Perfectly." She jerks her head into a nod and strides out of the room, leaving me thinking that I've made a serious enemy out of Agent Melinda May.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Grant<strong>_

I'm headed to the kitchen to get a drink when I smash into the person I least what to see right now.

Leo Fitz.

He stares at me for a long, awkward moment, his stuff littered all over the floor, his blue eyes boring into my soul. Briefly, I consider turning tail and legging it, but I knew that this encounter would come soon. And anyway, I can hardly leave the man to pick up his own stuff, can I?

"Do you want me to pick up your science stuff?" I ask in low voice, my eyes refusing to meet the Scottish man's. Fitz blinks for a few moments.

"Err, yeah, if you want." He blabbers. Moving slowly, as not to spook him, I bend my knees and crouch on the floor, picking up the books he's scattered on the floor, all with complicated science titles. Fitz, after a moments hesitation, also kneels to help me.

"I could help you carry these to the lab?" I offer tentatively. The younger man nods, a single jerky moment, without ever meeting my eyes. I pick up the pile and stand up. Fitz starts to walk, and I follow him, my heart beating way out of my chest. If Garrett was here, he'd remind me that caring is a weakness.

_But he's not here, is he?_ A surprising loud voice in my head reminds me.

"Why?" Fitz asks me softly. I breathe out, clutching the book pile anxiously. That single word: who knew it could carry so much volume and dread?

"Why what?" I ask in a carefully measured voice. "Why are you helping us?" Fitz asks, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. I blink, surprised. Of all the questions I expected him to ask, that was not one of them. I pause, considering my answer.

"I want to protect Skye. And as she pointed out, I can't do that from my cell. So cooperation is the only way to keep her safe." I shrug, wondering how much longer it is until we reach the lab.

"Did you want to see me or Simmons at all?" His voice is a murmur, a breath on the wind. I glance at him and see his blue eyes are firmly fixed on the ground. But I know how much this question will mean to him. So I have to answer honestly. We get to the lab and Fitz opens the door, indicating that I should put the books down on a nearby table space.

"Could I- sit down?" I ask hesitantly. "This might take a while, to answer your questions. You know, if you actually care about my answers. Which you might not, and that's perfectly okay, but-" I realise I'm rambling, and shut up quickly. Sitting alone in a cell for a year really has changed me.

"There's a chair there." Fitz says, his eyes guarded. I sit down in the offered chair and take a deep breath, preparing myself.

"I thought about you two a lot in the first few months." I admit. "No one would tell me if you were alive or not, so I assumed the worst."

"I bet you were glad." Fitz mutters, starting to make repairs on on of the D.W.A.R.F.S.

"Actually, it drove me half crazy. I didn't want you two to die, so when Coulson finally let it slip that you two were alive..." I sigh, smoothing my hands on my jeans. "But then he told me what I had I had done to you."

"You were never real, really." Fitz says quietly, his eyes finally meeting mine. "You were a huge lie. Just a lie." It's a statement, not a question, but I decide to answer it anyway. Fitz might have been the closest thing (aside from Skye) to a friend I ever had, so I want to explain exactly who I was, so maybe he can start to understand why I did what I did.

"Most of the Grant Ward you knew is." I swallow nervously. I haven't discussed Past Me with anyone yet, so Fitz is the first one. "He was a complete fabrication of who I had to be to be the perfect sleeper agent for Garrett. But some bits of him were real."

Fitz snorts in disbelief.

"Yeah right. Like what? You try to kill many of your friends then?" He says sarcastically. I ignore his tone, and concentrate on trying to phrase my words right, so it all comes out right.

"My neatness." I say. "You remember that, right?"

"You ironed socks." Fitz reflects, a smile coming to his lips involuntarily. "Socks."

"That was me." I tell him. "Valerie used to like everything neat, and I couldn't get rid of that particular habit. It was ingrained to deep, I guess."

"Who the hell is Valerie? An ex girlfriend?" Despite everything, I can see Fitz getting hooked into the conversation. I let out a dry, bitter laugh at his question. It's a laugh I can't control, but shows exactly what my feeling are for Valerie. Bitterness and regret.

"Valerie Ward is my mother." I inform him. "Not an ex."

"Have you ever read the Hunger Games? Mokingjay?" Fitz asks suddenly. I shake my head, wondering where he's going with this. "Well, in it, Peeta asks Katniss if things are real or not real to confirm his memories, because he was under the influence of a mind altering drug for a while. So I'm going to ask you questions, and you tell me if they're real or not real. Okay?"

"Okay." I agree.

45 minutes later, and Fitz is in full swing with his new game.

* * *

><p>"What about your favourite soccer team?" Fitz asks. "Was that real? Could you even deceive us about that?" His tone is light although his question could be seen as antagonistic. But I know it's not.<p>

"Not real. I don't like soccer." I admit. "But Agent Grant Ward seemed like someone who liked soccer, so..." I shrug. "I started watching soccer."

"Are you really a dog person?" Fitz asks me, and I notice that he hasn't once slipped up with his speech, even though I know he has brain damage. Strange?

"Real. I love dogs." I let a smile play across my lips as I think over my memories of a certain kainine. "I actually had a dog for 5 years, Buddy. He was a Labrador, cutest dog you would ever see, but..." The smile slowly fades from my face as I think about my loyal companion for 5 years...who then I failed to shoot, so Garrett did it for me. My first weakness. (But my not means my last. That would be Skye).

"Ward?" Fitz asks, his voice concerned. (Concern for me: what the hell is going on? I don't deserve his concern!) "What happened to the dog?"

"Buddy died." I shrug, trying to make it seem casual, even though it's anything but. "He was a weakness, so he was eliminated."

"Ward, are you telling me that you had a dog and Garrett got you to kill it?" Fitz's eyes nearly pop out of his skull as he immediately sees the connection between the word 'weakness' and Garrett.

"Well, he killed him actually. I couldn't." I correct him, but otherwise decide not to mention exactly where I had Buddy. I'm not ready to talk about Wyoming for a while, if ever. And anyway, Fitz doesn't need to hear about that yet. "But yeah, Buddy died."

"Oh, the poor doggy." Fitz says sadly. "I like dogs too."

"Really? I always though you were a cat person." I tease, trying to mask the hurt I'm feeling over mentioning Buddy again. He was the one friend I had, and I let him get shot. And then I tarnished his memory by continuing to follow Garrett.

The conversation continues for a while longer after Fitz changes the subject (thankfully) before it's time for dinner. I get up to go, Fitz saying he'll catch up, but pause on my way out, turning back to face him as I stand half in the doorway.

"You know, Fitz, you're meant to have difficulty speaking." I start, knowing that this topic is risky considering I'm the one who gave him the condition. But even still, I persist.

"Yeah, so?" Fitz looks at me confused, not understanding my point.

"Not once in speaking to me have you stuttered." I point out before walking out of the lab, hopeful that I might of started to repair at least one of my old friendships.

* * *

><p><strong>What's the Calvary going to do now that Skye has traded her out in favour of Ward? And I loved writing the FitzWard bonding scene!**

**Anyway, any thoughts? Review them to me!**


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